Lost My Way

Sorry I haven’t blogged for a while, I’ve kind of lost my way a bit… mainly due to health problems, both my own and my youngest son who has developed vertigo and has been off school a lot.

This has caused all sort of problems with my writing. I have got myself a voice recognition doohickey so my fingers don’t have to try and keep up with my brain and don’t conk out on me after a day. Now my latest book in progress is an adult book with a forty year old male as the main character. Needless to say when you find out you aren’t human, that there’s a whole new world out there you never knew about not to mention a murderer who turns out to be your half-brother, you tend to resort to expletives that a 9yr old shouldn’t hear coming out of his mother’s mouth. Then there’s the problems of discussing the sex habits of different types of the half-human, half-angel people… again I’m not reading that out loud in front of my son… it could scar him for life or worse, confuse him later in life! He might get it in his head that he’s really a demon and women are the scum of the earth… no way am I explaining that to any future daughter-in-law.

So I’m behind on the writing front. On a plus Alien Legends is now at the editors who has emailed to let me know who she is etc. Now this is where I find my life gets weird. I write weird stuff, aliens, future people and places the usual stuff but it’s my own life that I find strange. I’m going through a kind of identity crisis on a daily basis. Every morning I wake up and feel like I’m 103, I can’t do things I should be able to do and it frustrates the hell out of me. Then I’m getting emails from a publisher and now an editor and I can’t believe it’s me they want to talk to. I’m just a mother of 3 kids, owner of pets… a nobody living in S Wales and out of work cos she’s too broken to find anyone who’d take her on. Publishers talk to authors, people who write books! Editors talk to authors, people who write books. I’m just a writer, now a speaker too thanks to my Dragon software, but an author? No, surely not me! They are people who write books for crying out loud, I scribble in a notebook then type it up just for the fun of it… I don’t write books, do I?

Well yes I do, but I can’t really believe it. I’ve got to know Tim my publisher by now and it’s less strange hearing from him, he’s not a suited, book snob in a big office in a huge building, he’s a guy who plays with lego and uses his son as an excuse. I’m hoping that Terry, my editor, isn’t a plaid skirt-wearing monster who’s going to SHOUT at me and point out all my failings. You see I still have a little voice in the back of my mind saying ‘They’re going to find you out. They’re going to realise you can’t write for toffee. They’re going to turn round and say thanks but no thanks.’

I wish I didn’t hear these voices of mine but they won’t leave me alone, except when I’m writing or reading… it blocks them off and they can’t get to me… Mwwwaaahhhhhh!!! *cough* sorry, that was my ‘we’re going to take over the world’ voice breaking through….. I think I need a lie down.